Baby, I'll Come Back to You
by ausllydawmoon
Summary: Or where she misses him terribly and he must miss her too, because he comes home for her. Deckerstar. One-shot.


"You look terrible."

Chloe looks up at Dan from where she's sitting at her desk, and gives him a deadpan stare. He shrugs. "Thanks for telling me. I haven't heard you say the same thing every day for the past month," she says.

"I brought you coffee," he offers, setting the cup on her desk. "Although I really think you need to go home and sleep."

Chloe shakes her head. "I'm fine. But thanks for the coffee." She grabs it and takes a sip, wishing she could just inject the caffeine directly into her bloodstream.

Dan sighs, crossing his arms. She keeps trying to look over the case file she's been working on, though she isn't paying much attention.

"I know you miss him," Dan says gently. "But this is just who he is, you know? I mean, if _you _can leave for a month without warning, then of course he'll do it too, right?"

"This is different," Chloe tells him through gritted teeth.

The scene of Lucifer leaving replays in her mind in agonizing slow motion. She said she loved him; he told her she was his first love; he kissed her; she begged him not to go; he left anyway. For her. For baby Charlie. For the family they've built. For the world.

_Goodbye_, he whispered, tears in his eyes, as his angel wings sprouted from his back. She couldn't even look at him then, but now she wishes she had. Anything to be able to have more time even just watching him.

"Yeah, because we don't know if he's coming back," Dan says, pulling her out of the memory for now. "Come on, Chlo, you gotta move on from this. I know you care about him, but this is destroying you. Meanwhile, he's probably off having an orgy in all fifty states."

Chloe stands up abruptly and pushes past Dan. "I'll take your advice and go home," she mutters.

On her way out, she runs into Ella. She knows Ella doesn't mean any harm when she says, "Hey Decker, are you done looking over that case file yet?" Still, it sets something off in her.

"No, I'm not!" she bursts. "How can anyone possibly care about work right now when one of our own is gone, and we have no idea when or if he's coming back?! How can you expect me to go on as normal when my _partner left me_?!"

Ella flinches and takes a step back, eyes wide, and Chloe instantly feels guilty. She swallows. "Ella, I'm sorry," she says gently. "I—"

"Miss him," Ella finishes shakily. "We all do. But he's gonna come back, Chloe."

"I'm not so sure."

"I am. He'll come back for _you_, if nothing else."

Chloe swallows. "Thanks, Ella."

"Of course," she says, throwing her arms around Chloe and hugging her tightly. "If you ever need me, I'm always here for you," she says.

Chloe hugs her back and mutters another thank you before leaving the station. As soon as she gets in the car, she calls Maze.

"No, I haven't heard from him," she says as soon as she answers the phone. "I told you, Chloe, communication between Earth and Hell doesn't really work. He'd have to send a messenger, which he would never do because he doesn't trust the demons after what happened. And before you ask, he hasn't contacted Amenadiel either."

Chloe sighs. "Are you _sure _there's no way for us to communicate with him?"

"It would only be through Amenadiel, and he refuses to go. Something about it being dangerous for Charlie if any demons decide to follow him when he leaves," Maze explains.

"Well…if you do hear from him—"

"I'll tell you."

"Thanks, Maze."

"Yeah. Please tell me you're gonna go get some rest now."

"I'm actually gonna go pick up Trixie from school."

"I can do it. You need to _sleep_," Maze says.

"No, it's okay. I'm okay," Chloe insists.

"No, you're not. But whatever. Bye." Maze hangs up, and Chloe resists the urge to bang her head against the steering wheel.

As much as she appreciates everyone's concern, it isn't really helping having them continuously point out how much she's suffering without Lucifer here. Especially with those pitiful glances, as if Lucifer died or something. No, the man she loves simply went back to Hell. For who knows how long. It's not _that _bad.

Almost as soon as Trixie gets in the car, she asks the same question she's asked every day since Chloe told her Lucifer had to go on a 'long trip.' "Have you heard from him yet?" Those wide eyes look so hopeful, Chloe's heart breaks all over again.

"No, Monkey, I haven't. And neither has anyone else. But he's okay," she adds quickly. "Just…super busy on this trip."

Trixie frowns. "Too busy to even say hi?"

"Well, Lucifer does this sometimes," Chloe tries to explain, even though she knows this is uncharted territory. "I promise, as soon as I hear from him, I'll tell you, okay?"

Trixie sighs. "Okay, Mommy."

Chloe thinks for a moment. "Hey, Trixie, do you wanna go see Maze?"

Trixie's face lights up. "Yeah! C'mon, let's go!"

* * *

With Trixie and Maze busy catching up and doing whatever it is they bond over in Maze's room, and Amenadiel busy putting the baby down for a nap, Chloe sits down with Linda in the living room. She closes her eyes and leans back against the couch, covering her face with her hands.

"How did you do this for so long?" Chloe asks. "When you couldn't talk to anyone but them about how crazy all of this is."

"You get used to it, eventually," Linda says. "I promise. How're you holding up?"

Chloe sits up, dropping her hands from her face and staring at her lap. "I really miss him. But I know it's selfish of me to want him to come home because that would put the world in danger."

"Chloe." She looks up at Linda, who watches her sympathetically. "It isn't selfish of you. We all miss him, and we all wish he would come home. Does that make all of us selfish, or does it just mean that we're his friends who love him?" Linda takes a deep breath. "You know Lucifer would come home if he felt like he could. So if he's not here…we have to believe that he thinks it's best for everyone if he's down there."

"Half the time he also thinks it's best for everyone if he isn't in our lives at all. That doesn't mean he's right," Choe points out. When she sees the way Linda is looking at her, she sighs. "I'm sorry. I know this is different. I just really, _really _miss him."

"I'm worried about you, Chloe. Maze is, too. So's Amenadiel. Lucifer went to him, you know. Before he left. He asked him to keep you safe. I don't think he realized what his leaving this time would really do to you. If he knew it would hurt you this much…I'm not sure he would've done it."

Chloe closes her eyes, but she feels a tear roll down her face anyway. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling you Lucifer cares about you. More than you could possibly know."

"He said he loved me," Chloe blurts, the first time she's ever told anyone what he really said on that balcony the night he left. "He said the first love in the prophecy…it wasn't Eve. It was me." She opens her eyes and frowns at the small smile playing on Linda's lips and the strange twinkle in her eyes.

"Forgive me for my reaction," Linda says quickly. "I've known that long before even he knew it. I'm proud of him for telling you, even if it was part of a dramatic goodbye speech."

Chloe smiles a little too. "I said it first. Does that change anything?"

Linda chuckles and shakes her head. "I'm proud of you, too, Chloe. I know how…difficult talking feelings with Lucifer can be." Chloe's smile fades, and Linda rests a hand on her knee. "You know Lucifer even better than I do. So I know that deep down, you know he's spending every second down there trying to figure out a way to come back to you."

Chloe nods, resting her hand on top of Linda's and looking in her eyes. "Thank you," she says.

Linda smiles. "Of course, Chloe. Anytime."

Another week goes by, and now even she can tell how bad she looks. She has to use way too much makeup to hide the dark rings under her eyes, and even then her eyes are almost lifeless, her hair is dull, and her entire body seems weighed down by some invisible burden. Or maybe it's just her subconsciously trying to be closer to Lucifer.

It's not like her to fall apart this much over a man, even if said man leaves without any indication of when he might return. But Lucifer is more than just the man she loves, he's her best friend, her _partner_. He's woven himself into every aspect of her life so intricately that removing him has caused everything else to unravel.

She sees him everywhere now. Whether she's just driving by Lux, or someone is asking about him, or she looks at herself in the mirror and sees the necklace he gave her around her neck—everything in her world seems to remind her of him. Not to mention that her lack of sleep has her hallucinating a little; sometimes she'll hear his voice as if he's standing at her side, and other times she could swear she glimpses him walking around a corner in the city. But every time she looks closer, he's not there. Of course he isn't.

"Chloe, are you listening to me?" Dan asks her as they stand in the front yard of a house that's recently become a crime scene.

"What? Yes," she says quickly, blinking a few times. She didn't think falling asleep standing up was possible, but…here she is.

Dan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Chloe, what did I tell you? You can't do this. Not only are you no use to us as a detective if your brain is either asleep or distracted, but this is unhealthy for you. You're deteriorating. You've gotta find a way—"

"I'm working on it," Chloe snaps. "You have _no idea _what's going on here Dan. You don't get to lecture me."

"You're starting to sound like him," Dan tells her.

"Good. Maybe if I keep at it, you'll leave me alone."

"Chloe, you're sleep deprived and worried and you miss him, I get it, but it's not like he's dead or anything."

"Well, where he is, he may as well be!" she shouts, and everyone else in the yard looks at her. Her cheeks flush. "Sorry," she says, much quieter.

Dan puts his hands up in mock surrender and walks back inside the house to look over the crime scene again. Chloe closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, counting to ten in her head, before turning to follow Dan into the house.

"I can't believe how quickly you've killed me off, Detective, I'm hurt. Who do you think I am?" she hears from behind her. Just a hallucination again, surely, but it's so clear and she misses him so much that she opens her eyes and turns to check anyway.

And there, ducking under the police tape with one of those ridiculous grins on his face, is Lucifer Morningstar, like a ghost—er, Devil—back from the dead.

Her eyes go wide, and she honestly still isn't sure if this is a hallucination or not. She blinks a few times, but he's still there, walking over to her, his eyebrows knitting together and a frown forming on his face.

"I thought you'd be happier to see me." He stops in front of her, and the concern on his face grows. "Bloody hell, you look awful."

She knits her eyebrows, looking up at him. "It's…really you?" she asks hesitantly, reaching out to poke his chest. It feels solid enough.

"Well, of course it's me. Can never stay away too long, now can I? I'm like a stray cat. In the endearing way." He shoots that grin at her again, and she clenches her jaw.

And then she slaps him across the face.

"_Ow_!" he exclaims, his hand flying to his cheek as he looks down at her in surprise. "What in Dad's name did you do that for?!"

"For _leaving _me, you piece of shit!" she shouts back at him. But then she throws her arms around his neck and hugs him as tightly as she possibly can.

He makes a strangled noise of surprise and stumbles back a few steps from the sheer force of her hug, but then she feels his arms wrap around her as he hugs her back.

"Now, that's more like it," he says softly. She squeezes her eyes shut, praying to…well, Lucifer's own father that this isn't a dream.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"You have to realize I have no idea what you just said." But instead of pulling away to hear her better, he tightens his grip around her.

"Hey, Chloe, I found—_Lucifer_!" Ella exclaims as she walks outside. Then all of a sudden Ella is hugging the two of them.

They awkwardly pull away after a few seconds. "I've missed you, too, Miss Lopez," Lucifer tells her, fixing his jacket.

"Where'd you go? Why'd you leave? Why didn't you call or text or email or _anything_? What—" Ella stops talking abruptly, looking between the two of them. "I interrupted something, didn't I?"

Chloe glances at Lucifer, who looks back at her at the same time. Then they both look at Ella again.

"No worries," Lucifer tells her. "But I've literally just returned from Hell and I'd quite like to get home. I just came to bring the Detective with me."

Ella raises an eyebrow. "Your trip was that bad?" Then she shakes her head quickly, as if to bring her focus back to the point. "I think we've got things covered here, so yeah, if I pretend to believe you're not about to go have crazy reunion sex, can you promise me that Chloe will get some rest?"

Lucifer gives Ella one of his signature grins. "You have my word, Miss Lopez."

Ella narrows her eyes and looks him up and down, but ultimately she must be satisfied because she smirks and nods slowly. Then, she gives Chloe a not-so-subtle wink and looks at Lucifer again with a sunshine-y grin. "Glad you're back, Lucifer."

"Yes, me too, Miss Lopez," Lucifer replies. Then he rests a hand on Chloe's back and guides her to his car.

She's still so dazed by the fact that he's really _here _that she can hardly even find words to say. So, it isn't until they're already driving that she finally speaks up.

"What makes you think I'm gonna have crazy reunion sex with you? Or any sex with you, for that matter."

He glances over at her with those soft eyes and a small chuckle. "Nothing, Detective. I was hardly even listening to what Miss Lopez was saying."

Chloe frowns. "Oh. Why not?"

"I was more concerned with getting you home as soon as possible."

"To bone."

"To let you _sleep_," he corrects her. "No offense, darling, but you look like you've been through Hell. And I should know."

"Oh. Yeah…yeah, that makes sense," she says, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes.

"And after you sleep, I promise we can have all the sex you want."

"We should probably talk first," Chloe says with a yawn. "Since you're completely, head-over-heels in love with me." She smiles slightly.

When he doesn't respond, she worries that he didn't get that her exaggeration was a joke. Or maybe he forgot about what he said and her reminding him of it freaked him out. But honestly, she's too tired to even open her eyes to see the look on his face and try to decipher it.

But her worries disappear when, probably thinking she's already fallen asleep, he says softly, "That I am, Detective."

* * *

She wakes up not in her own bed. At first she panics, but when she sits up and looks around, she realizes she's in Lucifer's room, and she calms down a little. She looks down at herself and sighs in relief when she sees that she kept her clothes on this time.

Just then, Lucifer walks into the room, sipping from a mug of what she presumes is whiskey with a splash of coffee. As soon as he sees her, he sets the mug down on the nightstand and rushes to her side.

"You're awake," he says, sounding relieved. "I didn't want to wake you, but you were starting to worry me."

She frowns. "How long was I out?"

"Eighteen hours," he says, searching her face with his eyebrows knit together in concern. "How are you feeling?"

She swallows and nods slowly. "Better. Much better."

"Can I get you anything? A drink?"

She smiles a little and shakes her head. "I'm okay, Lucifer. Really." She stands up from the bed, wobbles a little, and grabs his arm. His eyes go wide and he holds her shoulder with his free hand. "Just a little head rush," she assures him. "What time is it?"

"Eight. In the morning."

"I have to get ready for work—"

"No, no, no," he says quickly. "I already called you out sick today, and Daniel is taking care of your offspring until you're back in tip top."

Chloe frowns at him again. "I am in tip top."

"You don't look it."

"Because I just woke up." She walks out to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water. He follows, watching her with worry etched in his features.

"If I'd known leaving would cause this much harm to you, Detective…"

She rolls her eyes. "_Lucifer_. I'm fine. Really." She drinks half her glass of water and then looks at him again, desperate to change the subject. "So, what'd you do while I was asleep?"

He hesitates for a second, still watching her worriedly, but then he sighs. "Well, I went to see Maze and my brother, tell them I'm back and fight about me leaving without warning, if need be. Then I went to go see Dr. Linda and had an impromptu therapy session, ran some boring errands, hung out downstairs at Lux, and then came up here and went to sleep. Not all that exciting."

"I'm glad you talked to Linda so soon about everything that went down in Hell. I can't imagine it was easy."

He gives her one of his 'I'm totally not fine but I'm about to say I'm fine and you're gonna pretend to believe it' smiles. "You forget that I ruled Hell for millennia, Detective. A month was nothing."

"Right. How did you manage to get out of there, anyway?"

"Well, I don't need to _live _there to be its king, yes? As long as I drop in often enough to keep the demons in check, there shouldn't be a problem."

Despite his casual tone, she can see the worry and conflict in his eyes. She takes one of his hands, and he looks down at it for a moment before meeting her eyes again.

"You know that if you ever wanna talk about what you _really _went through down there, I'm here for you, right?" she asks.

He gives her a small smile and pats their hands with his free one. "I know. Thank you."

"So," she says, taking a deep breath, "about that talk…?"

"Right," he says, his signature smirk playing on his lips. "About that…" He starts slowly leaning towards her, only stopping when their noses touch. "I find that actions tend to speak much louder than words, don't you, Detective?"

"Lucifer," she whispers, although she closes her eyes and rests her forehead against his. "All our issues in the past have come from a lack of communication."

"Mmm," he muses. "But we _have _communicated. Before I left for Hell, when you tearfully confessed your undying love for me."

She leans away from him and opens her eyes, raising an eyebrow. He mimics her expression.

"What?" he asks. "You did, didn't you? I believe I've made a valid point."

"You said you loved me too. That I was your _first _love. Which is much more tease-worthy, so don't you get a big head."

"Ah, but the difference, my dear, is that I don't get embarrassed. You, on the other hand, are getting quite defensive, which makes it so much more fun to tease you." He grins at her, and she rolls her eyes, turning to leave the room. "I thought you _wanted _to have this talk," he says.

She stops and turns to look at him again. "You know that this isn't what I meant." He raises his eyebrows, prompting her to elaborate. "Lucifer, we have almost gotten together and then somehow fallen apart way too many times for us to keep assuming we're on the same page just because we kissed. And I know we talked before you left, but that was a month ago and we were both already emotional after everything that happened, you know?"

He frowns at her. "I meant every word I said that night, Detective." He tilts his head slightly. "Didn't you?"

"Of course I did," she says earnestly. "But with our track record, it's better to talk about it and make sure, you know? So I can know that you still mean it and you can know that I still mean it."

"Alright, well, there. I still mean it and you still mean it. Talk over, all good, yes?"

"I just don't want us to mess this up again, Lucifer."

"Neither do I, but we just had the talk you wanted, didn't we? We're on the same page now. I won't mess it up, you won't mess it up, and we can finally be happy." He shakes his head, his eyebrows knit together, as if he can't understand why they seem to be in disagreement when they want the same thing.

"All I'm saying is that I don't think we should rush into this."

"Rush into it? We've been dancing around this practically since we met."

She bites her lip. He does have a point. "I guess I'm just…scared."

"Of what?" he asks. "Of me?"

She meets his eyes and shakes her head. "Not of you. Of it not working again, I guess."

He shakes his head again. "Since when do you avoid doing something simply because it scares you? That's something _I _do, though you'll never hear me admit that again."

"Since it could possibly lead to me losing you for good."

Now it's his turn to roll his eyes. "Come now, Detective. You have to know by now that nothing less than the power of Dad himself could make me leave you for good. Again, I remind you of the stray cat metaphor? We never would've gotten this far in our partnership if I hadn't mastered the art of showing up even when you're trying to get rid of me." He raises an eyebrow at her, prompting her to remember the early days of their partnership when he would simply show up to crime scenes until he managed to worm himself into his position as a civilian consultant.

"So you're telling me that you, Lucifer Morningstar, aren't worried about a relationship between us ending badly?" she asks incredulously.

"I'm bloody terrified," he tells her, throwing his arms in the air dramatically. "But I also know, thanks in part to Dr. Linda, that this particular fear isn't necessarily a bad thing. If anything, it proves how much I care about you, yes? If I have a fear of our relationship ending badly, that means I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn't."

She crosses her arms. "You actually took something insightful away from therapy with Linda?"

He knits his eyebrows together. "I always do."

* * *

As soon as the two of them return to work, Chloe realizes just how public their feelings for each other have been over the years. It's only after she asks Ella why she's suddenly getting strange smiles from everyone that she understands that she and Lucifer were never as subtle as they thought.

"I didn't say anything about the…_bow chicka bow wow_," she says with a smirk and a wink. "You two are just giving off a totally different vibe. The tension is gone. I mean, I guess the sexual tension is still there, but it's more like everyone knows you're planning to sneak into the evidence lockup to bone than everyone knowing you two secretly have naughty dreams about each other that you won't act on. You know?"

Chloe takes a moment to process Ella's roundabout explanation. "No. I don't know."

Ella rolls her eyes. "Everyone's just happy that you guys finally cut the crap and got together! You're both _happier_, and it's contagious. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Oh. That's…nice. I guess I didn't realize everyone in the precinct cared so much about our relationship."

Ella nods, grinning. "_So_…? How was it?"

"How was what?"

"The sex, Decker! I mean, all that tension building up must have—"

"Ella," Chloe interrupts in little more than a whisper. "Not that it's any of your business, but we actually haven't _had _sex yet. We're taking things slow."

"Lucifer? Taking things slow?"

"Surprising, isn't it?" Lucifer says from behind Chloe. She sighs and tilts her head towards the ceiling, closing her eyes. "Don't worry, darling, I didn't hear any of the embarrassing sexual fantasies you were surely talking about."

Chloe opens her eyes again to see Ella grinning even wider. "You guys are so cute, I'm gonna die," she says. Then she winks at Chloe again and walks away.

Chloe turns to face Lucifer. "I thought we agreed to keep things professional at work."

"We both know I'm anything but professional," he says, putting his hands in his pockets with a grin. "Besides, clearly everyone knows about us, so why bother? Unless you just don't want to openly admit that you seem to only have a thing for the men you work with."

"I just don't want us getting distracted trying to solve _homicides_."

"Distracting you while we're working is what I do best."

She exhales in frustration, and Lucifer frowns at her. "Are you alright, Detective?"

"I'm fine."

He doesn't pry, but something seems off about him for the rest of the day. She knows it's her fault, that she's the one acting weird and he's only reacting to it, but she can't find it in her to talk about it yet. How is she supposed to make him understand that she needs to make sure she doesn't break down if he leaves again? Trying to ensure that she can be okay without him isn't easy when she's also trying to navigate their new relationship. Plus, she really would like nothing more than to just be happy with him, regardless of if they're at work or at home. And if she's struggling with the idea of detaching herself from him while simultaneously being more attached to him than ever simply by the nature of their now-romantic relationship, there's no way he'll ever be able to wrap his head around it.

So if she can't talk about it with Lucifer, maybe talking about it with Linda will help.

That afternoon, she heads to Linda's office, but before she can walk inside, she hears Lucifer's unmistakable voice from within the office. She knows it's a total invasion of privacy, but she can't help herself from putting her ear to the door. As much as he says he's communicating with her more, she knows that old habits die hard.

"—and she's been acting strangely ever since I returned," she hears him say. "I tried asking her about it first like you always say I should, but she didn't tell me. I don't know what to do, and I'm worried it's my fault."

"Why would it be your fault?" Linda asks.

"What if I'm no longer the man she fell in love with?" Lucifer responds. "I know being in Hell again must've changed me, and not for the better. Perhaps she's picked up on that change and decided that she doesn't love me anymore. Or worse, that she never did."

Her heart breaks at the words, and it completely shatters at the way his voice breaks as he admits his insecurities. _It's not true_.

"What, exactly, do you think has changed?" Linda asks. "Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you actually talked to her about your feelings for once, and you're finally _with _her. Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no," Lucifer says, sounding more frustrated than anything now. "Being with the Detective is all I want. But I'm afraid it isn't what _she _wants."

"If she didn't want to be with you, she would tell you."

"I'm not so sure. She could be forcing herself to try to be happy because she puts everyone else's feelings before her own. It's incredibly annoying; the only person she allows to be hurt is herself. And if being with me is hurting her…" He trails off. "Doctor, I want her to want to be with me. But what if I've become the monster I swore she'd never see again?"

After that, Chloe can't take it anymore. She backs away from the door and rushes out of the office, blinking back tears. How could Lucifer think that after everything they've been through, her feelings for him could just vanish? Or that she could _ever _see him as a monster?

She drives back home and paces in the living room until Lucifer walks in a little while later. He immediately stops in his tracks, his hand still on the door handle and a concerned look forming on his face when he sees her.

"Detective, are you alright?"

She stops pacing and looks at him, and slowly she shakes her head. "No," she admits. "I'm not alright. But…it's not because of you."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

She presses her lips together, and he nods in understanding, shutting the door and walking over to her. "Very well," he says, and he takes her face in his hands. "But when, or if, you ever _do _want to talk about it, I will always be here for you."

She smiles a little. "Sounds like I'm rubbing off on you."

"Only figuratively, for now," he says with a smirk. Then he kisses her forehead and moves to let go of her.

She grabs his wrist, keeping his hands on her cheeks. "I love you," she tells him, her first time saying those specific words since he got back from Hell. But she means them, and she knows he needs to hear them, especially from the way his face softens and his entire body seems to relax.

"And I love you, Detective." This time he presses a kiss to her lips.

Unfortunately, it's at that exact moment Trixie decides to walk into the room. Her shriek is enough to make them jump apart.

"You rival the tortured souls in Hell," Lucifer tells her, wincing and holding his ear.

"Were you guys just _kissing_?! Are you guys dating?! Is Lucifer gonna be my stepdad?!"

Before either of them can answer or even feel awkward about those questions, Trixie runs over and hugs Lucifer so tight Chloe can tell it's causing him some pain. Although the look on his face isn't that different from how he normally looks when Trixie hugs him.

"Yes, hello again," he says, patting her head uncomfortably. "I am dating your mother, but the Devil doesn't do _Dad_. Maybe _Daddy_, but that's a different story, and not one for your small ears."

"_Lucifer_!" Chloe scolds. He shoots her a devilish grin. She takes a deep breath and looks at Trixie, who lets go of Lucifer. "Trixie, honey, don't you have homework to do?"

"No."

"The child is lying, Detective," Lucifer says.

"I'm aware," Chloe replies.

Trixie sighs. "_Fine_." She trudges back to her room, leaving Chloe alone with Lucifer again.

"She missed you a lot," Chloe says.

"I can't imagine why." But she can hear the slight softness in his voice.

"Because she loves you," Chloe tells him. He looks at her.

"I hope not. I only seem to hurt anyone who cares about me."

"That's not true."

"You should know better than anyone, Detective. I hurt you over and over again."

"Lucifer, stop—"

"I came back for you, you know," he interrupts, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Not because I thought Earth was better with me here. Not for Linda, or Maze, or my brother. Not because I wanted to benefit anyone else. I came back because I wanted to be with you, regardless of the risks."

Chloe smiles a little, resting a hand on his arm. "You don't have to try to convince me that you love me. I—I know you do."

"That's not why I'm telling you this. I'm telling you how dangerously _selfish_ I am." He gently turns his body so her hand falls away from his arm. "Truth is, I don't know what the hell is going to happen now that I've left again. And honestly, I can't bring myself to care." He laughs humorlessly. "Because all I can bloody think about is _you_, Detective. As long as I'm with _you_, keeping _you_ safe from harm…nothing else seems to matter to me."

Chloe's smile turns into a frown, and she swallows. "I'm…I'm sorry, Lucifer. I don't—"

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Well, you're talking like your feelings for me and coming back for me are bad."

Lucifer looks at her incredulously and shakes his head. "Chloe…I haven't been this happy since…well, _ever_. I just…" He shrugs helplessly. "I suppose I feel _guilty_. Because it seems selfish."

"You feel guilty for finally being happy?"

"I'm sure Dr. Linda would have a field day with that revelation," he says with a quiet chuckle. Then he sighs. "I'm…sorry if what I said made you think that I regretted coming back and being with you, even for a moment."

She shakes her head. "It's okay. I'm just trying to understand you. Like always."

Now a hint of his usual smirk returns. "If you ever fully understood me, Detective, what fun would that be?"

* * *

She tosses and turns in bed for hours, but her mind just won't shut off. All she can think about are the words Lucifer has been using to describe himself since he came home. _Monster. Selfish. Guilty. Dangerous._

_ Happy._

If he's still here, that must mean the good outweighs the bad, but it's clear that his mind is warring with itself, and it's not _fair_. All he seems to do is blame himself for every bad thing that happens to everyone, and being blamed for humanity's sins throughout history only serves to reinforce that idea.

She knows he's trying to take the steps to rid himself of that mindset—or, at least, that he was planning on it back before he went to Hell—but it doesn't seem to be going to well. And if he keeps feeling guilty simply for doing something that actually makes him _happy _for once…she knows he'll never truly allow himself to feel that happiness to its fullest extent.

But she also knows this has to be _his _decision and _his _journey. She can encourage him and be there for him along the way, but ultimately he has to be the one to forgive himself. And besides, she has her own shit to deal with.

But just because they both have their own journeys to take, that doesn't mean they have to go through these things alone. They're partners, now more than ever, and they've always been good at growing together. And despite her breakdown when he was gone, she knows that she really _can _be independent and functional without him, if she wants or needs to be, but they're just better together.

Still unable to sleep, she sighs in frustration and sits up in bed, burying her face in her hands. She can't help anyone if she's sleep-deprived again, and the irony is that she can't sleep _because _she's trying to figure out ways to help everyone. Well, everyone meaning herself and Lucifer. But when she and Lucifer are in tip top, they're more equipped to help other people through their work. So, yeah, she'll make herself feel a little better and just consider it helping _everyone_.

She feels the bed shift and lifts her head to see Lucifer propped up on one elbow, watching her through tired, half-lidded eyes. His hair is sticking up in every direction, forming the curls he tries so hard to hide during the day. "Are you alright, Detective?" he asks, his voice thick with sleep.

She gives him a small smile and nods. "I'm okay. Just can't sleep, is all."

"What's on your mind?"

She shrugs. "A lot of things. That's the problem, I guess."

"Well, despite what I said earlier, you have nothing to worry about. I'll never let anything happen to you."

She rests a hand over his jaw, her fingers in his hair. "It's not me I'm worried about."

He leans into her touch, his eyes never leaving hers and that small smirk, clearly hiding a sadder smile, playing on his lips. "I've been dealing with deep psychological issues since the beginning of time, remember? I'll be alright. I'm sure the Doctor would say I just need time to readjust, or something else completely useless."

She laughs a little and leans forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. When she pulls away, his smile has turned genuine and his eyes are sparkling. "May I ask you something, Detective?"

"Of course."

"What is it you truly desire?"

He's not trying his mojo; he isn't staring into her soul like he does when he _is _doing the mojo thing and the trick doesn't work on her anyway. He seems genuinely curious, so instead of teasing him about it like she normally does, she smiles and gives him her genuine answer.

"You."

* * *

**idk i just really miss lucifer**


End file.
